Like an Avalanche

There are so many things I could be doing right now, but the best thing I think I can do right now is to sit an reflect on where I am in life. Over these past few weeks I have been pushed further and have cried more than I think I have in a long time. Everything seemed to pile up and consume me and my mind went to very dark places. It all started with not being able to find a job. In a way I could have done more, I know that, and so there can be some blame put on me, but I don't think that was why I did not receive a job all summer.  There was also the housing situation, which again is partially our fault for not having more back-up plans. Even though there was more I could have done, I don't believe it would have worked. God put me in a season of having to put all my trust and faith in Him and Him alone. I am still in this season. He pushed me to the point of breaking so He could show me that when everything seems hopeless, He will always provide for me needs. And by needs, I really mean needs. He provided me with a low paying part-time job in a retail store that only pays enough for me to get by with food and rent, and even those are a stretch. God provided me with a place to live that is small, takes a lot of work, and is in a stressful environment. When I didn't know where I was going to get money to live here, and I had nowhere to live I felt all my hope disappear and I was devastated. How often does this happen? Things seems to overwhelm me and not go the way I expect them and I love my trust in God. I question whether He will provide for me. I even sometimes believe He won't. Sometimes I feel like He is punishing me. Sometimes I feel like He has abandoned me. All these things are lies from the enemy and completely untrue, but in those times it is so hard to see the light at the end of the darkness. Just when I was at my lowest He showed me that He will take care of me. He will always come through in the end. We have no need to worry because our Father loves us. I still feel stress about things, like not having money and getting through school, but I have seen God come through time and time again in my life and I know I can trust Him. Completely and fully. Now, I know I will sometimes forget and struggle, I am a human and we have that problem, but this is just one more time I can look back at and go 'Wow, God came through in that impossible time, and He will do it again'. Because He loves His children. He is our Father! Matthew 7:11 says that our earthly fathers give us gifts, but how much better gifts will our Heavenly Father give us. This doesn't mean we will be rich or life will be easy, far from it, but God will give us what we need, like food and shelter, but more importantly love, grace, forgiveness, wisdom, and joy. So, yes, life is hard right now, and I still feel stress from time to time, but I know my God loves me and I can see that love evident in the way He gave me this trail and showed me that I need to lean on Him and trust Him with everything.