Introduction:
At church last tonight the pastor tried something new with us. He would read a verse and have us meditate on it for a few minutes then move onto the next one and repeat. I've done meditation in the Word before, but what happened to me last night was....bizarre. It probably stemmed from the fact that I was extremely emotionally drained and during worship beforehand I thought I was going to pass out from exhaustion so I prayed for the Holy Spirit to fill me and give me strength to make it through the night. When you ask, He provides, so when the pastor had us meditate I went into a complete dream state and...well...this is what I saw.
Part One:
"Meditate on this for a few minutes" he says:
Colossians 3:5-6 "Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires, and greed, which is idolatry. Because of these, the wrath of God is coming."
I open my eyes and I am standing in a hallway. I look to my right, then to my left and I know exactly where I am. The Hotel. This is where I was in the dream I had awhile back. Suddenly I realize what that means: it is here. From the vents I see the dark smoke pouring in and I panic, I don't want it to get me. So I begin to run. I look at the elevator and know that it can get through the shaft so I need to take the stairs. I take off, throwing open the door to the stairway and make my ascent. I keep running up the stairs, not paying attention to my heavy breathing or sore muscles, I just have to get away from the smoke. It's coming for me. It wants me. I hear evil laughing coming from below me and look over the edge. The red eyes of the evil creature are staring at me. My heart beats so fast I think it might explode, but I keep running. Then I hit a door, and realize there are no more stairs. I fling open the door and run into a hallway much like the one I started in. There is no escape. This is the end of the road. I wrap my arms around myself as if they would shield me from the darkness that is slowly filling the room. The smoke surrounds me, swirling around, taunting me with all the evil within myself. "You want him" a voice teases. "You want to touch him" another speaks over my shoulder. "You are evil" "You want to hurt them" "You want to cause pain" "You want to give up" "Give into us" "It's easier just to give in" "Let us take control"
I can't stand it any longer and fall to my knees crying. I can't take much more, their voices are haunting me and the darkness is overtaking me.
"God," I cry out "Help me"
As soon as the words escape my lips fire surrounds me. I look up from my tears and the fire is pushing back the darkness. The voices are screaming now. The fire is creating a shield around me, not touching me, just blocking the darkness from me. Slowly I stand up and feel the power of God around me. I put out my hands and fire shoots from them, pushing to darkness from the room and setting the room aflame. I walk down the staircase, forcing the darkness away with every step. I get to the first hallway and walk out of the hotel, still on fire. When I get to the end of the street I turn around and see the hotel crumbling in flames. The fire around me goes out and I fall on my knees and watch the hotel crash to the ground, smoke and ash covering the entire street.
Part 2
Colossians 3:8-10 "But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of the Creator."
I'm kneeling in the street, relieved that I made it though, that the darkness did not overtake me. As I watch the smoke come up from the remains of the hotel I see it building until I see the creature towering over. It laughs again and then disappears. I sigh, realizing I am safe. Then something hits me from behind and I fall down on the ground unconscious.
When I awake I stand up and look down at myself. My clothes, my hair, my shoes and my entire self are covered in ash and the breathe I exhale is the color of the smoke lingering in the air. I walk over to one of the buildings and brush away the ash covering a window. My reflection stares back at me with red eyes full of hatred. I scream and run. The darkness that I didn't want on me is now in me, has consumed my body. My mind is fighting it, trying to keep it from taking over. I have to be clean or I won't stand a chance. I run and run crying and fighting to keep the darkness from taking over and controlling me and then I see it. The ocean. I can make it. My whole body is throbbing with pain, I want to destroy everything I see, I am hollow and empty and feel as if happiness is a distant dream that I will never see again. I want to rip off my skin, cut myself to relieve the aching. I try to brush off the ash as I make my way to the ocean but it only spreads more. The darkness inside realizes what I am doing and forces me to the ground inches from the water, and I lay writhing in pain. There is nothing left in me. I am hungry. I am thirsty. A wave reaches near me and I reach out, scooping up some water and dripping it into my mouth. The saltiness makes me gag and I feel more thirsty than before.
"Jesus," I hoarsely whisper with the little energy I have, "I need you."
A drop of water hits my face and I look to the sky. Clouds are rushing in and more and more drops come until the sky has opened up and rain is pouring down. The ash is beginning to wash off and I look down at myself. Slowly I am becoming clean. I need to get it all off of me, I think. I start to rip off the black clothes and my ash covered shoes. With every last bit of strength I stand up and hobble into the ocean and let it wash me clean. I get deeper and deeper till it engulfs me.
Part 3:
Colossians 3:12-14 "Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity."
I awake under water. My feet hit the ocean floor and I push off, propelling to the surface. As I come up I gasp for air as if it were my first breathe. The sun is shining over me and the sky is the most perfect blue I have ever seen. My arms, full of strength and energy begin to dig into the water in graceful strokes. I soon feel the sand under my feet and walk out the ocean onto the beach. When I am out of the water completely I look at myself. I am perfectly clean, wearing a white dress and no shoes. I start to laugh. I laugh so hard I cry. I can barely stand so I kneel down and run my hands over the warm sand. When I bring them up again there is a blue spark coming off of my palms. At first I am confused and stand, prepared to run. Then the spark turns into fire and the blue flames cover my hands and runs up my arms. It doesn't hurt, it's not even hot. It tingles. The flames are not around me this time but on me. They are part of me. I start laughing again until my entire body is covered in the blue flames. I look out at the ocean and see the sun setting so I start to walk towards it, following the shoreline. I am dancing and twirling and singing. Then I see blue flames in the distance. Full of energy I run to them. I find a group of people dancing together, all of them covered in blue flames, laughing and singing and showing love to everyone. When they see me they pull me into their dance and I gladly join them and we dance all night.
Finally the sun comes up again and I look at the person to the right of me and ask "Now what?"
The person looks into the sun and reply "Now you go back into the world."
The person to my left smiles at me and says, "But this time, you're not alone."
We get up and walk back to the street that had been covered in ash the day before which is now clean and bright. The blue flame within me flows out in a line down the street. I watch it burn a path.
A person comes up beside me, their flame going in the same direction as mine. "Now we follow the light." They grab my hand and we start our journey.
Conclusion:
This was all very vivid in my mind while it was happening, like it was actually happening (I may have even been laughing or crying at some points). The first part was very frightening, in fact I wanted to open my eyes and not participate in this meditation because I was so afraid, but alas, I followed through with it and the end was worth it. There's quite a bit of imagery in it (ash=sin and blue flames=Holy Spirit) but I understood it all, and it was...amazing. God has rarely in my life spoken to me through dreams or visions, so this felt like such a gift from Him. From my weakness I got a beautiful picture of His strength.
God is so good.
